Guide to Living in San Francisco

Some may argue that the Bay Area is no longer "The Greatest Place on Earth" due to skyrocketing housing costs, but it's still a fishbowl paradise in a world of intolerance. Here are a few quick tips for natives and newbies.

• Everything that everyone does is part of the local culture (positive or negative), so culture is everyone's responsibility. Create something unique! Don't be a culture snob or a culture vulture. Attendance=support.
• You can't judge a book by its cover. Freaky-lookin' folks might not be so hip, and clean-cut folks might not be the enemy. Judgments and preconceptions are useless here.
• Most of the pointless, soulless dotcom companies have folded, leaving inflated rent in their wake. Save the term "evil" for profiteering landlords, cultural stripminers, and parking tickets.
• San Francisco's "crookedest street" isn't the tourist trap on Lombard: check out Vermont Street between 20th and 22nd in Potrero Hill.
• The numbered "Avenue"s are in the West part of SF (Sunset/Richmond), and the numbered "Street"s are in the East (SOMA/Mission). The East-West streets in the Sunset and Richmond districts are alphabetical, except the borders of Golden Gate Park. Learn which streets' lights are timed: Oak/Fell, Bush/Pine, Gough/Franklin, Turk...
• For info on any SF street or address, check out SFViewer. It has cool satellite photos, street sweeping times for any block (don't get a ticket!) and property values.
• Earthquakes: Don't panic! They happen, but are not as scary if you're prepared. Keep 72 hours of water and supplies, check the 24-hour quake forecast, and consult the "Did You Feel That?" map.
• Don't bug out when the air raid siren sounds every Tuesday at noon. It's just a test. If it's the real thing, you'll know.
• Sign up for EDIS emergency email alerts and Spare the Air "free public transportation day" email alerts.
• I personally don't care if you call SF "Frisco," although others do. (But don't refer to residents as "Bay Areans." I ain't no "Aryan.")
• Nobody owns the road, so look around you and share what little space there is. This goes for cars AND bikes AND pedestrians! Drivers- don't park across two spaces and use your f*#!ing turn signal.
• Vote or shut the hell up.

This is a map to ground zero of the new Internet music world. Over sixty net-music companies in San Francisco's Audio Alley and in the Bay Area, with direct links to their "jobs available" pages, the lowdown on what they do and who owns them.

Need extra cash? These companies will pay you good bucks for a few hours work.

Don't let me hear you complain that there's nothing to do tonight.